Whew!

I'm back after struggling through the hardest NaNoWriMo I've ever done. I had some intestinal problems which led me to urgent care. That in turn led to an abdominal ultrasound which found nothing. Great. So why does it hurt, doc? sigh

After surviving the stomach cramps and et cetera, I came down with a cold. I fought like heck and managed to get over the actual cold pretty fast but I'm still dealing with asthma symptoms (always happens when I have a cold!) and an intermittent cough.

Still, in the end, I reached my 50,000 word mark. Barely. Towards the end, I was writing sections of chapters about any scene I knew I wanted to have happen. A wedding. An adoption. An initiation. The beginning of the novel (on November first) is now somewhere down around chapter ten or so.

I think this year's NaNo was challenging because it's the first one I've participated in since we sold the house. In the house, I had my own office. It was purple and one whole wall was covered with whiteboards -- great for working out ideas and keeping a larger-than-life To Do list on. But most of all, it had a door I could close and shut out what everyone else was doing.

To be fair, this was also in 2002 and 2003 -- if YouTube and other such sites existed, I think we were still on dial-up at the time, so I surely couldn't have spent much time on those sites! Equally true, Ravelry didn't exist and I wasn't the avid knitter I am now. I guess that all boils down to: I've got a lot more to distract me and less ability to shut myself away from it all.

I've whinged and whined here in the past about my writing and where I'm going with it, so I'll spare you a redux of all that. There's a good idea in this year's NaNo novel, struggling to get out. So maybe down the road a bit, I'll get back to it and make it shine.

In the meantime, I've got to change the email over on the right of the blog, under my picture. It's getting a lot more spam and I'm tired of it. I don't know what the new one will be yet, but I suspect I'm going to have to make it an image, so the bots and such can't grab it.

Finally tonight, we're down to the last month of 2009. Where did this year go? It's been a painful year, with a couple bright spots, but I'm definitely going to be glad to kick this year out the door. I'm not really in "the Christmas mood" so far. We haven't had a tree since 2004 and we don't do live trees here -- I'm just not that big of a risk taker! I'd like to have a tree, but if I bought one, it's likely to be the entire Christmas! So I don't know what we're going to do, decoration-wise. At a minimum, I want to get out my large fiber-optic wreath and use my mini-decorations on it, like I used to do.

As for Christmas gift-giving, I've got an idea for one person on my list -- well, that's not true. I've got a couple ideas for several people. I just have to see how the planning pans out. Most of all, this year I don't want to crap out on the Christmas stockings. That's usually where I really shine: making sure everyone's stocking is overflowing with weird things, goofy things, items which are small and often forgotten and most especially candy of some kind. Randy always says I'm the best at stuffing stockings; this year I want to really knock their, ahem, socks off!

No matter what you celebrate, I hope you have friends and family to share these year-end festivities with. If you can, look around and spread the love to someone less fortunate. Walmart and other chain stores of the type usually have 'gift trees' with wishes from local children who won't have much for Christmas. There's also Childs Play, "a game industry charity dedicated to improving the lives of children with toys and games in our network of over 60 hospitals worldwide." For those who read here and are ferret lovers, there's the Ferret Giving Tree, where you can find a fuzzy (or two or three!) who are spending Christmas in a shelter that you can spoil.

I'm not sure I've blogged about Bark 10-4 which is aimed at getting pet oxygen masks on fire trucks around the country. You can order one for your local fire station and know your pets will get the help they need in a fire emergency.

As Book says in Serenity, "I don't care what you believe in, just believe in it."

Why is it that, even when we know death is coming, we're still not ready to lose the one we love?

We had to make The Decision -- the one all pet owners are aware of and dread -- today, for Theodore. This boy has had a really interesting life (and we're sure we didn't know the half of it!). He was found, running the streets of Savannah, GA by a gal by the name of Melanie. Her friend Julie had a ferret that wasn't doing well after losing a companion ferret. Julie took this friendly, curious boy in and named him "Snaps". He was a great comfort to his new ferret friend, Ginger until she passed on and joined her ferret companion Fred.

Julie knew she couldn't adopt again, but he deserved a chance to play and have much more ferret fun. So she made a different tough decision: to give Snaps a home with more ferrets.

That's where we came into this amazing boy's life. I remember the day I met him -- he almost lept from Julie's hands, he was so excited to meet new people! And he's always been like that. What surprised us most was that he bonded with Maya, our first re-homed ferret who'd been brought to our vet's office, having been found wandering the streets of Savannah. It seemed they either knew each other or were able to communicate to each other about their free-range lives before us.

When we lost Maya so suddenly on my birthday in 2007, I thought for sure we'd lose Theo soon after that. We all spent a lot of time with him, cuddling him and making sure he knew how loved he was. He pulled through her loss.

Then, he started having seizures and my research told me he had insulinoma. This meant we had to make sure his blood sugar didn't drop too low and be ready to treat a seizure with a little Karo syrup rubbed on his gums. The seizures were terrifying. A couple of them were so bad, I wondered if The Decision was close at hand. But each time, he pulled out of it and was back to his bouncy, playful self.

Oh, he was older. And it showed in the less frequent playful periods, but when he played, he played. And when he slept, he was so sacked out, he'd sleep himself into a crash. So, our vet said to wake him and feed him "gushy food" (usually a mix of Gerber baby food and feline a/d) to prevent the crashes.

Then, earlier this year, I noticed a knot or a lump on his belly, near his penis. I was worried his "boy mechanics" were being tied up and causing problems, so we took him in to see Dr. Funk again. Without anesthesia and surgery, he said it would be hard to be sure, but he felt confident it wasn't interferring with the internals much. It grew rapidly -- I mean scary-fast. Today, after he was gone and there was just a body there, I felt around and it was about the size of a large walnut or bigger.

I think all pet owners question all their decisions when there's no clear-cut right or wrong to follow. We work from our hearts and from what we believe we can read in the eyes of our beloved pets. I chose, with Randy's agreement, those several months back, not to pursue removal of the tumor because it would require anesthesia. My reading and the knowledge of vets past and present has led me to believe that the older ferrets just don't do as well coming out of surgery. Something about the anesthesia just messes them up and some just fade away. So, we decided to pass on the surgery and give him as many love and treat filled months as we could.

That came to an end today. We're not sure exactly what changed, but Randy found him huddled up in a corner yesterday weaker than a new-born kit. With supportive care, he curled up for sleep. Sixteen hours later, he still had little to no mobility. Holding him, he was constantly shivering/shuddering. And his eyes, normally bright and attentive, seemed glassy with pain to me.

We scheduled with Dr. Funk and this tough street-smart ferret hung on, even in pain. When he was gone, it was just like a light had left the body and the shell was dark. We brought his body home to let all the ferrets say their good-byes. It's a step which is so important to our pets. Considering how social ferrets are, I believe it would have been cruel to not bring Theo's body home for this good-bye.

Once the good-byes were all said, we returned to the vet's to give over Theo's body for cremation. It's a private cremation, so we'll have his remains back with us soon.

Theodore will be joining his first companion, Ginger, his second companion Maya and other cage=mates Elijah, Octavia and Zoë. Theodore never knew Kittanning and Maxwell, but they'll be there to greet you. Remember Nana's Wheezy and Mousey and Huskers, too! You'll have so many friends -- remember Heinlein-kitty? -- just have fun and we'll see each other again, someday.

It's been a long time since I've participated in National Novel Writing Month. I participated in 2002 and again in 2003. Both years, I reached the 50,000 word mark by the deadline. It's been six years!

I'm nervous about writing this year for a variety of reasons. My first is, "Do I still have 'it'?" "It" is that mysterious thing which comes over me: the writing is less brain-to-fingers-to-keyboard and more just there, on my screen. If I'm really in "the zone", time passes without my awareness of it. There's no fumbling for words, no struggling for ideas. There's just the screen in my mind where the action is playing out and I'm translating it to text as fast as I can.

Another reason for the nerves: I haven't had my own office since around 2003 or 2004. This will be my first NaNoWriMo where I'm in a room with between 1-3 other people (depending on the time of day). I can't just "rock out" while I space out and write. I can't just close the door and have it understood, "I'm writing. Go away."

Nick's old enough now that our old "blood, bone, vomit" rule isn't really necessary. Plus, with Rowan here, there's a second grown-up in the house almost all the time. I've prepped everyone as much as I can, reminding Nick and Randy how I'm basically "not here" for the month of November.

I still plan to attend our RPGs every Saturday night -- that'll be a good release from the writing monkey on my back. And we have our every-other Thursday RPG set in Eberron. That's only two Thursday nights, so that's no big deal. I dropped out of the World of Darkness Werewolf the Forsaken LARP last week so that's all good.

I've got a kernel of an idea, but not a plot. Not even an arc of a plot. Just an opening. And that's all in my head. Not a word on paper/screen until midnight 1 November.

I've stuck some widgets in this post which probably won't "go live" until the first.I may add them to the blog for the month as well.

I've mentioned here before that I have Fibromyalgia.

Once upon a time, that word wasn't anything to me. It was syllables coming through the phone line, crossing two thousand miles from my sister's home to mine, as she told me she had been diagnosed with this strange-sounding thing. I had no clue what it was. She mentioned it because she knew I'd been having some troubles for the past four or five years (at the time) and her doctor said the chance of me having it went up because I had a family member who had it.

Then, there was the day I decided I really wanted that rather large rock by the side of the road. Randy and I planned a quick excursion. It failed and resulted in a badly pinched finger. Turns out that rock was not as small as I thought and would have required equipment to move it.

When I started have problems in my upper back (left shoulder blade, neck, down the back of my left arm), Randy teased me that I'd hurt my back trying to lift that rock with him. We went to a GP doctor who gave me a shot in the shoulder blade, prescribed physical therapy and gave me some drugs. Good drugs. smile Whenever the drugs ran out, I'd call for a refill. No problem. The physical therapist recommended a TENS unit. Insurance paid and covered the replacement pads.

But the pain wasn't going away.Finally, when I called for a refill, the doctor said, "Uhm, it's been nine months. You need to see a specialist." I went, the doctor ordered some tests... and I'm a little fuzzy on what happened next. I think I never went in for the tests. I didn't like that doctor and my feeling was reinforced when there was zero follow-up on the lack of results coming in for the tests I never went for.

I muddled along for a while longer, though by now I really had enough personal data to see the likely outcome was, "You have Fibromyalgia." It's strange how we desperately seek answers, a name for what's going on inside. And yet, when I finally got a doctor to say those magic words, it was just the beginning of the frustration.

Now, I know the name. I know what is wrong. I know I have limits. I know people who don't know me can't see I'm not equally as able-bodied as they are. I don't turn 40 until February, but some days I feel 80. Other days, I forget I've got those shorter limits and do things like I'm 20...and I pay for it for a week.

Hearing about Fibromyalgia in a commercial was kinda cool for a while there. Then I was over-saturated with the Cymbalta advertisements.

Hearing people say, "Oh, I've heard of that. My [insert family relationship here] has it." helped me feel like people would not give me a hard time. That feeling is usually broken by their next sentence, where they say something like, "But she can still work full-time. Why can't you?" Or "But she's got this great exercise program you should try out." Or.. Or.. Or..

Now, I learn{*} there's a paper in the latest Science magazine about a retroviral infection XMRV, which seems to appear... crap. I've tried to write this in my own words about five times now. Let me quote:

Source: Whittemore Peterson Institute for Neuro-Immune Disease

I don't understand all the medical-speak in these articles, but I'm seriously going to try to grab a copy of Science for my shelves. This may not change my life, but it could determine whether my son (rare, but still possible) or his (way, way, way) future daughters might find their choices and dreams radically changed by such an invisible disease.

{*} Randy mentioned an article about CFS in the news the other day. I kinda glossed over what he was saying. Sure, that's cool. I know someone who has CFS but she's never available to talk to, so I guess she'll have to find out about the article on her own. Definitely a "hurrah" for medical science. I wonder if he's going to tap me on the head and say, "Duh! Same article!"

I wanted to post about this yesterday, but I needed time to formulate my thoughts and come down from the rafters of frustration. So you're up-to-date, you might want to pop over and read this article.

...waiting...

You back? Good. Are ya pissed yet? Let's talk about this.

I've got around 2000 books in my house, according to my LibraryThing. That does not include an up-to-date cataloging of all the magazines in my house. But, I feel it is safe to say that we are all bibliophiles here. True, we've been selling off our hardback collection and replacing it with the same books in "mass market" (paperback) editions. Lighter, smaller, cheaper. But they *are* still books.

Now, those who know me, know I love technology. I've got two computers (soon to be 3, I hope!), not counting the server which has all our music on it and will someday have all our movies there as well. I start showing signs of DTs if I'm not able to check my email several times a day. We've got surround-sound stereo in our living room, with all our computers, so we can get our geek on and watch a movie.

But when it comes to books, I want paper and ink. I want the feel of a book in my hands. I want the smell of a book. I want to stand in front of my shelves and browse, deciding what to read next. With all our advances in online-shopping, there's still no replacement for "browsing".

When I was little, there was no money for "trivialities" like books. If I wanted books, that meant a trip to the public library. At the time, that was the Stark County District Library. I measure my later childhood years by the shelves of that library. (Of course, returning years later after they reorganized the shelves was rather disconcerting!) Many summer afternoons were spent in that library (soaking up the A/C we didn't have at home!). How many times have I read a book because the title caught my eye while looking at those shelves? How many books did I read because of the monthly displays, celebrating some element of fiction, some breakthrough in science, some person of importance?

My concern over Cushing's choice isn't because I have a child there. My concern is that other schools will jump on this bandwagon before the concept has been proven to succeed---or fail. Why couldn't Cushing choose to keep the paper-and-ink books while testing out the newer technology? Why couldn't they wait a semester or two and see if the teachers and the students (and their parents) approve, before even considering divesting themselves of the real books?

I've shared at home my requirements for an e-book reader: paperback in size, opening like a paperback does. Little cards (like my Nintendo DS uses) hold the books. When not in use, the little cards have little "books" they sit in, on my shelves---taking up even less space than my paperbacks do! There's no need to store credit card data in my device. No need for GPS and wireless capability. Most importantly, there's no risk of losing my entire library when I drop the reader in the tub, while soaking with a good book! I want an Open Source format for the books. I will not support the publishing industry becoming more like the recording industry. Much like my library at home, many of my family members can be reading books from our home collection at the same time---without having to buy multiple copies (which I would have to do right now, with a Kindle or similar readers).

As a crafter, I rely on high-quality color pictures and graphs with detailed information in them to put patterns together. Someday, I hope to have my crochet skills up to par enough to take on Blueprint Crochet (already on my shelves!). [For a sample of what this book looks like inside, there's a preview on ScribD.] Not only does this book have stunning pictures, but blueprints -- in color. And based on one review, there's no point in clicking on the "I'd like to read this book on the Kindle" link because the readers can't handle this kind of book.

I take comfort in my personal book collection, now more than ever. If paper-and-ink libraries could possibly become a thing of the past, at least I'll have shelves of them for my family and friends to reminisce over.

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